Dutch social norms: The do's and don'ts I learned from living here
The Do’s
Do pay for your own share when you’re out together with Dutch friends. Sometimes, you could even expect that the bill will be divided equally. Indeed the concept of Dutch treat applies to a lot of outings even amongst families and relatives. So don’t be too surprised and always bring enough cash or expect that you will be “tikkied” to pay for your share online. Here in the Netherlands it’s definitely “KKB” (kanya-kanyang bayad).
Do try to help yourself or figure things out first before asking an attendant at the grocery or in restaurants. And when you do, show respect and treat them like you would a friend. The concept of “plattegrond” or absence of social hierarchy is common in the Netherlands. The Dutch are proud people and do not like to be looked down upon, so act respectfully regardless of status or age, including its children.
Do expect deep conversations every now and then because they like to talk about (or sometimes even debate on) any kind of subject, especially what’s on the news. Feel free to express your own opinion but expect that they may agree or disagree with you
The Don’ts
Don’t feel pressured to agree on a choice the whole group makes. Voice out what your honest opinion is, and decisions will be made according to what’s agreed upon in the end. It’s very common for us Filipinos to agree just to get along (the concept of “pakikisama”) but this may not always be to your advantage in certain situations.
At work, don’t always expect an acquaintance or a colleague to greet or smile back at you when you see them around. That may come out as unfriendly, but it’s nothing personal. They just don’t feel the need to constantly greet you whenever they see you.
The bottom line
If there’s any other one thing you need to be aware of in a Dutch society, it’s people respecting each other's privacy. The Dutch people value their physical and personal privacy. Although they’re open and free to talk about anything under the sun, personal matters such as health, living situations or salary is not something to ask about.
Also, avoid showing intolerance to social and ethnic minorities or alternative lifestyles. The Dutch people are very tolerant and respectful of other people’s lives and way of living. Your comments may not be appreciated or may receive strong reactions of disapproval. So better keep your opinions to yourselves.
It's great to live here in the Netherlands. There are so many reasons why. Would you like to know what my reasons are? Check out this video!
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